Scraps Of Our Life

I had the appointment with my OB yesterday and I have to say I’m no more wiser than when I walked through his door. From the little he said about the placenta, I’m gathering that it’s lying low and blocking bub’s exit, but there’s a good chance it will move by 32wks. I’m not particularly worried about this as I know I have to have a c-section, so bub won’t have to be trying to get out that way. The OB didn’t seem concerned about bub’s size and said that everythings good. That was until he measured the fundal height (the size of my uterus), it measures 26cm which is apparently far too big as I’m approximately only 19wks 3days pregnant. He is so concerned that he has sent my ultrasound pictures back to the expert at the medical imaging department, and is going to phone me for a talk in a day or two. How am I not supposed to be worried? I already love this little baby so much! I feel bub moving around in my belly every day, and now at night Kenneth can put his hand on my belly and enjoy feeling this precious little bundle bouncing around in there. Can life get any more stressful! I cried alone like a fool last night, not brave enough to tell Kenneth just how worried I am. He’s an optimist and thinks doctors worry about nothing. I know I trust God to take care of this little baby, so why am I worried? I just feel like I’m being battered from so many different angles lately. To top it all off a so called friend saw me at the clinic yesterday and felt the need to tell me how awful I look. I just wanted to cry. She says I’ve lost too much weight and now I look ill, apparently my eyes look like I’m dying and I’m pale and awful!! Grrrrrr.. Maybe I should’ve told her that I want to lose at least another 10-15kg. You know, the other week my Mum told me I look like the living dead – thanks heaps for that Mum! Is anyone ever satisfied!? I’m 20kg lighter than I was in Feb this year, which makes me 2 – 3 sizes smaller in clothes, and instead of feeling good, I feel yuk. I’m becoming obsessed with my weight and even though all my clothes are too big for me now, I feel bigger than ever. The problem is my own, I have to learn to block out the opinions of others. Kenneth keeps telling me that I’m too soft – maybe I am…